There's s many things on my mind right now. for the past week. i cant even focus my attention to study. seriously, i'm lagging behind. there's so many chapters to study, and with exams in 5 days, i've only covered like 2-4 chapters. damn it. First of all, my mind is totally distracted. from studies and on other things like friends, family and Allah s.w.t . what if i flunk in my studies all the way and be a nobody. where will i go? i know of people who have had failures in their life. but they still carry on. but what if my fall is too hard and its gonna take more than just more studying to pick me back up. sometimes the pressure i get from others get too great that i can't even look at myself and say, stay strong. the sad thing about my life, is that when others are in need, when they are in confusion, when they have troubles, when they don't know who to turn to or what to do, when they feel like giving up, when they feel like they are worse than trash, and if i know that they are in that kind of situation, i'll be there to give a helping hand. i'll be there to give them moral support in every way i can. cause if you cant see any good in you, you need another person to tell you how beautiful you are from a different perspective. for me, i tend to look in every angle i can. so i can somewhat judge and help from the best approach. i may be wrong, but at least i try.. but when i fall into an endless pit, i keep falling and no one knows. "everybody know, but nobody really knows"  there are a few who helps me out, but its just not enough. i'm a burden. studies are important, and i know that. but what i believe in is that while studies are important, the people around me are more important. that's the path i choose to take. studies come in third. first is religion, although i don't show it and practice as much.

in everything, there are rules. those who break them are scums. but those who abandon their family and friends are worse than that. 

where i see myself in the worst case scenario? having a 2.5k job throughout my life alone. the best case? having a 5k job with awesome company. but realistically, i see myself with at least a 3k job aft 2 years working. but for now, i gotta pull through poly life. i kinda suck at it, but i gotta do what i gotta do..

"Look for the good in the bad, the happy in your sad, the gain in your pain, and what makes you grateful not hateful - Karen Salmansohn"

YoU aRe NoT aLoNe~ =)