Hey so today I was a good boy. Did some chores, helped my bro with his homework amd more. I guess that during the holiday, im very free during weekends. So I did some stuff in the morning, cleared some shit from my head and heart, and slept in the evening. Woke up at about 7, prayed and went out to exercise. Where? Oh, you know.. Near where Norman lives. Hahah teck whye area. Yeap. I have bus concession and I find that fitness corner a suitable one. Its peaceful and safe. Sort of.. Hahah so I did dips, practiced some punches and grapples on the pole. Hahahah. I need a real practice partner. Well, I was having a terrible cough, still am, and that was unpleasant during my training. Especially when a part of the place smells awful. I walked pass that area twice and I could say I almost vomitted and suffocated due to the fact that the cough and some adverse effect on my breathing as well.. Its hard for me to breathe at times and I can orientate myself in several positions. Like I cant look upwards for more than 2s without having the urge to puke or cough my organs out. Yeap. I've had this kind of cough before. Very unpleasant I admit. I dont think I have asthma cause I dont? I mean if I had asthma, it woukd have been identified by now. Since I was young, getting medical check ups and all.. If I were to have it, I would be made aware of it. Well, I just hope I can recover soon! I need to exercise more. MORE. Hahah. And head to the gym for leg workouts. First week of holidays are over and did accomplish some things. Lol. But I have yet to do more! The next few week will be a showdown for me. Its gonna be me against the world. I will change for the better. In several angles. Ive been laying low for some reason for a while now. I think I should step it up and engage myself in activities, outings and shitzzz.. Hahaha. Oh, so back to where I left off, the fitnezs corner. It came to me that the only thing that was not appropriate for me was the bar height. It was short for me. BUT, on the bright side, it can train me for my form in my pull ups and muscle ups. I tried doing a muscle up with near perfect form, and I almost did it! Well, I cant really blame myself. I did my best at that time. Well soon.. Right now, with the help of my legs, I can do about 6-7. Thats gonna change. So after that, I went to Macs at lot one for a frappe. I was craving for it. The McCafe girl was CUTE~~~ so damn cute! But I was a blur after my exercise. Hahaha. While waiting for my order, I sat down. And surprise! I saw Elaine outside. She was with her mom and sister. It didnt took me long to notice her. Looked out the window and snap, that girl looked so familiar, so pretty.. And yeap. My eyes could focus enough to tell it was her. I didnt wave or anything cause I didnt know how to react. Im okay with her, but not really. I can talk to her as per normal but deep down, I was hurt. I dont want to force myself to lie to me. I could as easily texted her, "look in front, inside mac". And she would come in for a short conversation. But no.. I didnt want that to happen. I chose not to. Idk why.. But in my defence, I chose to face her, with my face clear in her sight, to let her have the opportunity to spot me. But she didnt ofc. Who am I to her right? Cant even keep her words when I tried to keep mine.. So I got my caramel frappe and I walked home, thinking of the holidays. Basically reflecting once more.. I have a whole lot of time to think and do stuff. And I should be sleeping.. I gotta send Wardina off at the airport tmr(or today). Goodnight~~ ^.^
So the reply i've been waiting for came in this morning.. So basically, I am friendzoned. Oh wells.. Its better than being hated or degraded. Im actually okay with it cause there is a closure for tue situation.. But there's always a way out of the friendzone. Meh.. I'll let it happen if its fated~~
On health news, i've been coughing hard for the past 3 days.. Phlegm coughed out til theres only left with a bit only.. And it hurts
when
I cough. And at times,
I would have a slight
difficulty in breathing. There are some body and neck ori
entations
I cant be in for more than 5s or
I would like suffocate. I hope i'll get well soon :>
If theres anywhere I want to let it out, its here. Cause anywhere else is just too exposed. At least there's fewer people reading this. At least those who I personally know.. I meam thats the point of blogs right? Somewhat yea... So its the holidays alr, and I have more time to myself.. And to think.. And to worry.. And to think.. And to worry.. Well yesterday I went to Sheng He's house for cny visiting. Sort of ah.. Kind of like a post exam celebration. Had reddians lunch before that and some did the harlem shake at NP at noon. But i'll talk about that some other time...
Cause tonight, I feel like shit. I have the voice that cant be heard. I have the problems that I didnt thought would be that hard. To even talk it out with her.. Maybe this is what hannan was going through.. But he was facing a different person. And I am facing another soul. Im facing Sufiyah.. I never imagined I would be going after her. Four years ago, she was just a girl I had a crush on. Saw her on a daily basis, smiled she we met. Nothing much. Seeing her face would make me have this strange feeling. I would sort of look down after I saw her. I dont know why.. But now, I have this urge to get to know her better. Sit down, talk and just hang out.. Its nothing much really, but it seems like it mattered so much if she didnt reply me or sth. Its not any other girls before. With her its more intense somehow. Maybe cause first impression counts. But that was made long ago for sure. To Saf or Elaine, something small would be left small, left untreated and it would heal.. But now, it couldnt heal. I need a closure. I left it hanging cause I thought if I left it like that and stop texting her I would just forget. But no.. Her words were like thorns of a rose. I didnt expect something like that to come from her.. So I had HTHT with Kai Ling, Wardina and Denzel yesterday.. Talked about this. I shared the things she said to me to Haikl, Imran, Xin Wei, and Billy also. The common reply was "wah, she's a bitch!" or the speechless reaction. But somehow, I defended her knowing what she said. "c'mon, she's not a bitch la guys.." deep down, I know thats not what she meant. If i'm wrong, mistakes are meant to be made. I've made countless mistakes in my life and Im sure to make more. Let it be.. We learn from them and they are memories made for us to share. Sweet or bitter, thats how you see it. I can get hit by a ball, but if I learn to catch it, I would be safe. I can get hit by a ball and do nothing about it too. We each have a choice to make in our lives and I chose this one. A hard choice was what I made and a hard journey I have to embrace. She may not be the one, but I wont stop. I went all the way with Elaine and that was a mistake I made. I didnt get to know both sides of the stories, but from my point of view, she didnt want to keep what we had, even as friends. If she doesnt want to keep her words when I am trying my best to keep mine, it would only be a matter of time when we would crumble and fall. Well now, I am going after a girl who is blunt and hard to reach. Of all the people, my eyes and heart chose her.. Why? I dont know.. I was vulnerable, bet I still am, towards her.. I let my everything down(not literally) when I face her. I'd feel fragile amd ready to break. But I learnt things wont be the same as time passes. People change,but I hope i'll change for the better.
Anywho.. I'm still waiting for her reply.. I wont be in peace until the situation is clear. I dont want the beast I have tamed inside of me to come out. All because of the frustration that accumulates. The suspense. The answer. I'll be miserable not knowing the truth. All the confusion.. All of it.. All the tears that leaked.. I just want a reply.. The silence is so loud its making me explode.. Please... Please sufiyah... A reply is all that I need.. Tell me what I did wrong so I can make it right.. I've turned to Allah, and all I have to do now is to be patient and wait for you....
Woohooo!! Its officially the end of the semester for me! :)) exams are finally over. Yes its all over! Teeheee. I think I did better for the finals than any other test previously, as a whole of course. I hope I can get a GPA of about 3.8. I know I cant get 4.0 cause my biostats killed me. Out of 50, I got a C. So I can safely assume that I can maximally get a B at least for the whole of the module. But for the others, I can get A, but its hard to say for cell biology. Cause I got a C for common test :( but truely, I hope I can get a 3.8 to pull my GPA to about 3.5. Sigh... I gave it my all, at least towards the end. By which I mean at least 1 month. Helped out friends, but I have to say, I cant even help myself..
I have my problems, in all manners. May not be big, but it still is ah. I have a lot of things inside of me that I want to unleash but I cant seem to find the right thing that can let it all out.. There is one though, praying. It helps, but I prefer doing it privately.. Cause when I do, I let it all out.. And when I do, you can see a mini niagra falls for sure..
Well today didnt go so well.. Had the first paper that was worth 40% of the grade. Didnt study the last 3 chapters very well :( and now, time for me to die.. :( but I still have 2 more papers. Cant let this be the end for me.. Angry at myself for so many things. Not just cause I didnt study enough. Some internal conflict.. :/
Fuck this shit. All of it. Every single one of it.
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR GUYS!!! Its sunday morning and its the first day of the lunar year~~ woohooo. So I woke up constantly due to my alarm. Like every 10-15 min since like 5.15am? Up til 630. Yeap. Thats right! About 1h of umpeaceful sleep. Meh.. Then I showered and stoned, looking at my brother.p Was supposed to wake him up, he had work at 830 I think. I stared at him, and tried waking him up. No effect siol. Instead of waking up, he put his hand in his pants. Nyeheeheh :> but at 720, he kinda woke up. So I left the house for work also. And now, I just reached JE. Fucking few people on the move on CNY sia. Hahaha compared to other days, the population like cut down more than half. And its much more colder. Lesser ppl means lesser 'body heat'~ Lols. So yea, I have 12h of work. 9-9. If extended, fyeah! Better. Haha cause pay is higher on holidays. If exam not next week, 3 days of holiday pay rate siol. But i have to study, unfortunately. Okay imma study now. Chao~
Hey people!! Its cny eve, I think, on a saturday~ hahah. So I have work today at 9am and im on my way! Current time check, 740. Hahah you think its early right? Well, not exactly. Workplace is in sentosa, so it means I have to take a bus in , so u have latest 840 to be there. If I rmb correctly... Lol its been like 5-6 months since I last worked. Im gg back cause they need manpower and I need some cash.. I can study during travelling time, I really hope so.. Many of the ppl went ns alr, so its no wonder im being called for. I misplaced my nametag for work, so I hope I dun get into trouble for that.. Eeeeek >.< imma definitely before I go work. But eat what? Tsk. Vivo got what in the morning sia.. Haiyoo. Long time mia :( I only still familiar w harbourfront ctr. I'll just hope for the best~
On dream network, I dreamt of a school drama! So im in it of course.. Had some weird stuff occurring, maybe a lot. Okay, its all weird. Except for this one scene, but its still weird~ so I went out of a room, and paced at the corridor. Then sufiyah walked passed, with a friend. I wore a mask and had the "i dun care" face. But as unhappy as I was, I acknowledge her and gave a short smiled. For sokeme reason, she had like a personality change and was like shy. then she waved and kept on smiling and and looking at me. Her friend, idk who, was giggling. Then in my heart, I was like, should i..? SHOULD I?? But I walked away..... I wanted to approach her and clear things, but I was a coward. I think I AM too. Tsk. Cmon Fahmi! Ive seen you doing greater things! Maybe im broke and scared of taking my chances.. But she's like blunt, she probably didnt have any clue what she was suppose to say or do. Oh, and I found this post on "NP CONFESSION" page which relates so much to me. Its this page where ppl send their so called confessions to get them off their chest. Like a blog, but not ao much. Anywho, this is the post..
" There is this guy who said he likes me but I guess he gave up already because of some circumstances & misunderstandings. I want to talk to him but I have no idea how to. & it's very sad because I somehow feel like we would have been perfect for each other. This will be a Valentines filled with 'what could have been'. And exams, yes exams. "
But I dont think its her though.. Somehow it doesnt feel like it. Idk why. Meh.. But..thinking of it makes me stressed up.
K bye :/
