well fuck it. fuck my life. fuck my decisions. fuck it all. why? cause fuck me that s why. everything i do leads me back to square one. in what way? in every way. in every fucking way. all my life, what ever i do shows no result. there may be small improvements, but in the end, what do i get? experience. thats it. nothing more. i dun just get the sandwich. just the bread. no filling. no veggies. nothing. and maybe what i said was true i dun have a life. i dun have anything. i know i have the people around me. my family, friends, God and all, but i have nothing more, in a sense. and now it all strikes me right in the face. what you said, how you said it, you gave me hope. i dun know if it was true, but if it wasnt true, you just ruined part of my life. its may be small, but it a big one if you ask me. FUCK THIS SHIT. early in the morning i get this piece of fucked up shit. i had a good start to the day, and it all crumbles down in 5 mins. this is worse than the last time. but i have to say, at least its an honest act. but if history repeats itself, i may go krazy. i can only turn to Him for help. only He can truly show me the right way. one thing that i definitely gained from this was getting closer to Him. maybe this was just a lesson for me. a hard one. a guidance for me. i've been asking for it, but how it works, maybe this it it.... straight through me. i can be stubborn and follow the route i took the last time, or learn from my mistake. idk.. now i feel bad for all the vulgarities.. i should go. i have a test in half an hour.. 


YoU aRe NoT aLoNe~ =)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NORMAN!!
SORRY I COULDN'T BE THERE WITH YOU ON YOUR SPECIAL DAY~~ :((
ANYWAY, HERE IS A VIDEO TO YOU!!  
***the video may contain sound that is hurtful to the human ear, especially the last part of it. nobody was injured or killed in the making of this video, even though it it done by an untrained retard***

YoU aRe NoT aLoNe~ =)

Hey ya'll!! Here's another dream of mine that triggered me. This time, I dreamt of sufiyah. I know right, dreaming of my crush. It happened in BPGHS. She was performing as narrator for a show. She doing fine, until she saw me. When she saw me, she smiled. At first she was okay, but she soon drew blank. She was like, "oh shit." and I was like "shit, its me". She forgot her lines when she saw me. Then she ran off crying. I knew I had to do sth ah. So I went back stage to find her. She was in the toilet crying so hard. I waited for her to come out. I wandered around while doing so, feeling anxious. It was time for me to do sth about our current relationship. Friends or more? So when she came out, with her friends, they went somewhere. There were 5 of them.. I approached the group, and asked sufiyah if I couod talk to her for a while. We went to a table with chairs not far from there. Then I asked "kenape tadi u nangis? Was it because of me?" and.... she said yes. So apparently, in my dreams, I had feelings for her and she had feelings for me. Idk how the covo went but, I knew I made her laugh. Then we planned when we could meet, before and after school. Then some other random stuff happened. Like me standing in front of a car moving at 30+mph and I jumped over and run on it. LOL. Power siol. And I miss talking to sufiyah. When I text her, she wouldnt reply~ this is the thing that breaks me. Its like I send her 10 and she replies 1 or when I give a homemade apple pie, I receive and apple. I had a hard one with elaine and yes, I have weakened.. :/ my heart is stuck in a whirlpool, spinning round and round..

YoU aRe NoT aLoNe~ =)

Hey, just wanna clear the my dreams from my notes in my phone. Everytime I rmb a n interesting dream, I would note them down. Im full of it. Hahah. So there was this one tie, I travelled in the mrt, dunno why, all ard spore. Then reach 1 stop, alighted. The station was like mega size! Like in new york or somewhere! Hahah so I met nicholas, wardina and haikal. We did a redcamp cheer. Then we passed by some centurions on the escalator and the did their cheer. When we reached the end of the escalator, I saw Elaine. my heart felt like kena stabbed. It hurts to see her. As much as I wanted to approach her, part of me wanted to stay away from her. So I moved away. she din see me though. I wanted to look back, but I didnt. I believe I was in tears when I walked awayy. Then I woke up.. But this was quite long ago, dated 102BC. Hahaha :P

Oh, and this one time, I was drooling in my sleep.. Ewwww!!

YoU aRe NoT aLoNe~ =)

HOLY MAMA. Its been  really a long time since i last updated O_O wow. time does flies.. been really busy the past few weeks. Exams, presentations, project,tutorials,cca.. haiyooo. really hectic. tsk.. and i rmb only turning on my laptop just for educational purposes. no joke. heheh. ikr.. All is okay except for one module. BIOSTATS. WTF MAN. that module is total hell. not only is it hard to understand, the lecturer dont have the right technique or lesson plan when she teaches. She's all over the place and she doesn't know how to pace her teachings. The survey i did about her (its like an evaluation for the lecturer's performance for the semester), i gave her like a just pass. I have to admit she isn't the worse i've had, but she is by far the worse among my poly lecturers.. SORRY CHRISTINA. damn it. At the attic with hannan, fareed and douchelord yong jia. well, i gtg do mai work. so see ya'll soon! holiday after 18 Feb :) YoU aRe NoT aLoNe~ =)

HI. This post was supposed to be published some time back, but i was too busy then, so i didn't have the chance to do it. So I'll be doing it now :) The are several stories i want to share..

The first one happened on 23 Nov 2012. yes, Its a long long time ago.. heheh. So I had training then. After trg, the fielders would eat dinner together as usual. We went to eat at Mac at KAP. The Long Distance runners were there alr since they ended earlier than us. We sat beside them, ordered our food and not long later, the Long D runners went off. Then, when the Mac worker, an auntie, was clearing the table left by the Long D, i saw her taking a wallet and went downstairs to the cashier area. I was like.. OMG, someone left their wallet behind! So i checked with the Mac staff. True enough, someone did left his/her wallet behind.. I told the others about it. They called the Long D runners to see who had left behind the wallet. My guess, Elizabeth, aka Beth, aka Aihui~ haahahah :) I find her cute. almost everyone does.. LOL. So in the end, she came back to find us and the wallet. We accompanied her to the cashier, where she had to fill up a form, indicating the retrieval of her wallet. Fortunately, nothing was missing from her wallet. Her wallet was full of cash and she definitely panicked when she realised it was gone from her possession. She couldn't board the bus, and luckily Joseph had her contact. She thanked us and went on to find the auntie who had given the wallet to the supervisor to put it at the 'lost and found' area or sth. She thanked her profusely and gave a big big smile! :)  felt happy i had helped her :) yay me! lols then we went back home safe and sound. heheh

Next is another dream of mine. okay, I have weird dreams every time. Almost all the time. and maybe i dun have dreams all the time. But when i do, its weird.. hahahah. For instant, I had a dream when it was a normal day. When all of a sudden, there was a split in the dimensions, creating a huge vortex to appear in the sky.A lot of people died, and i knew i would be next or the one after that, or the next etc. Luckily, I escaped from the terror in the beginning. That was just the first part. Next, an alien of some sort was released into the atmosphere of the Earth. It was huge and destructive, demolishing every living soul it can find. I was horrified when it set its red-devil eyes on me. So i ran away. ran as fast as my legs could carry me and into a shopping mall. I was chased by a monster! how did i feel? good. of course not! I FELT LIKE THERE WAS NO ESCAPE AND I HAD TO EAT MYSELF UP TO SURVIVE. I WAS ON THE EDGE OF DYING, EATEN UP BY A THING THAT CAME FROM ANOTHER FREAKING DIMENSION!! D: I hid at starbucks for some strange reason.. I managed to stall some time, but it eventually found me and kept on chasing me. I was running and running and tripped over something! Gosh! it was the end.. I was attacked mercilessly, feeling the pain i could not bear. Anyhow, i woke up, not sure why.. BUT I WAS GLAD I DID. I almost died in my dream.. phew~ that was a strange dream!

On 25/12/12, I went to watch Pitch Perfect with my SC crew!! woohoooo!! The movie was AWESOME~~ mainly cause i simply adored Anna Kendrick! teeheee. this was a post birthday celebration for ShengHe. So we had a cake prepared for him! a small one though.. So pitch perfect was just purrfect. the storyline was great, but the ending was like a suicide on the director. a bit too.. sudden. My fav song was Right Round. here it is! Enjoy the video and pics~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG AND HANDSOME BOY WITH A LOT OF SECRET  ADMIRERS!!

AWESOME GIRLS WHO CAN SING ACAPELLA BEAUTIFULLY~

LE AWESOME SC CREW!! ^^

On dreamnews, I had another dream. this one was understandably touching and sad. So first, i had a dream about Beth. hehehehe. about what? i forgot. lololololol. But that wasnt the end of the dream.. It moved on to another story. This next one was really emotional~ I had a dream of the JC people. It was somewhere beautiful.. Somewhere i would love to have my wedding at. the scenery was absolutely amazing, and the weather was perfect. I remembered seeing all the BP alumni graduate together, wearing the same graduation outfit. One by one, I saw them emerge from the top of a somewhat poldium. Then, I saw someone i really missed! MY BEST BUD FADHLI!! I ran up to him and hugged him so tight! I missed him so much! I could feel his soft clothes and cried. yes, that was one of the most touching dream i had in 2012. I cried so hard cause i missed him so very much! All the time spent together, i won't forget about him easily. hopefully we will grow old and live to see each other again. One of the awesomest people I've known my entire life. To my best friend!

BFFadhli~ ^^

YoU aRe NoT aLoNe~ =)