Today was full of it. I've been going through a lot lately, and I have to say I'm, not the only one.. The past few days, I've been more emotional than usual. I admit, I don't really breakdown, but when I break down hard. I'm not sure if I'm having PMS though.. :/ Lately, while listening to music, I often flash-backed and reflected upon what I did and what I have yet to do. What I hope to achieve. What I want be. Who I want to be. What I'll do in life. How I'm gonna pull through when such events happen. How I will act. But of all the questions I ask myself, the one that really brought me in tears was, "who will come by and visit me when something happens to me? will they even know in the first place?" This really made me cry.. even as I'm blogging now, it's happening again. I don't know why I would think of such things, but I did. I'm not saying that something would definitely happen to me, but what if.. would my eldest brother be there? would my friends be there? would Fadhli be there? would Elaine be there? It might be random to you but to me, its like a reflection. I've had relatives passing away early this year and ones before this. During those period, I thought to myself, when I die, who will be at my funeral? Who will visit me at my grave? Now it all seems like I'm a goth, being depressed and all, but I'm not. I'm just thinking about my life. What will I be remembered for? Who will I be remembered as? I want to be the guy who escapes the friendzone. I want to be the guy who never gives up and makes his parents proud of him. I want to be the guy who becomes a doctor or the one in the lab working his ass off to find a cure for diseases so that others can live. I want to be the guy who motivates and comfort others so that they can enjoy their lives and do things they thought were impossible to achieve. So basically I don't want to be the guy who can't be moved. I want to be the guy who moves the rest. I may not be be known to you everyone, but from a different angle, I'm helping a lot of people.When I move a person, I change his/her life. They might do the same, whether to their friends, family or a stranger. The process goes on and on..

While this is going on, I'm still missing Elaine. She is the one I've been chasing for the past 2 years. She knows who I am. We were very close friends. I never thought I would have made it this far, I really didn't. To me, she's way out of my league. I never thought I would be able to get her attention. To get her to open up to me. To be close to her. But I did. I was motivated. I didn't care how long I had to wait. I knew that one day, just one day, I might catch her. I don't have a masterball with me, but a normal pokeball would do just fine. I can't really tell you the whole story, but in short, I've been friendzoned by her. I almost got out of it, but something stopped her. I don't blame her for that, I respect her decision.. I'm still doing what I can to keep our friendship close, even though it's tough. We're in different schools now and her schedule is damn packed. To meet her is also difficult. Its like once in a blue moon I get to meet her, maybe rarer.. I can do more, but I can say I'm scared. scared that I'm disturbing her :/  anyway, I hope one day I'll be happy with whoever I am.. Here's a picture f her pretty face~ ^^

Well, tonight really scared the fuck out of me. This time it's not me, it's one of my best bro, Halim. He's been going through shit since he got together with Ayaka, though it was rewarding and worth while. Wanna know the shit that ruined him? Zharfan. This bastard doesn't know his place. Interfered with Halim's relationship and act as though there wasn't anything wrong with it. Not long ago, they broke up cause of that piece of shit. Then just now, Halim texted Ayaka saying he wanted to kill himself! I WAS DAMN SCARED. I texted him, called him. No answer. WTF. I preyed, hoping he was alright.. Then not long ago, Hannan (my goo friend) went to Halim's house to check on him. They lived close by, so ya.. Fortunately, Halim is fine, just going to through a hell of a time. Lots of things happened. Good and Bad.. They said time heals everything, I hope it heals him before anything happens.. I hope he doesn't do anything crazy as I did.. It might end up horrible.. :( anyway, here are some pics of Halim.. Please stay safe..



To everyone out there, there are people who love you, those who care for you. Though there are people whom made you go through shit, think of them. They love and care for you. They made your life better and worth while. They made you who you are today. Because of them you are still alive, strong enough to live on. They gave you the strength and inspiration you need. Thank them. Cherish the moments you spend with them. Cherish your life. Cheers~ ^^

YoU aRe NoT aLoNe~ =)